Telephone Love

I hope you all missed me. This is my life these days. Too busy to do much of anything besides nap, cause I cannot call what I do at night sleeping. It's napping cause by the time I really get into it - the whole dreaming, drooling thing, the alarm goes off and I cuss and roll off the bed UNWILLINGLY! Steups.

I am so happy for the weekend. It's a long weekend, and I have no plans whatsoever. It is a bit pathetic. No, it is pathetic. But whatever. I have a book. And a cookbook. And oven mitts.

I also have my cell phone. Let me tell you the story about the happy cell phone.

There once was a girl named Tamale. Cute as hell and with yet another cell phone, bringing her cell phone tally to 3. Her own personal phone, another phone which is also hers but was previously used for business calls at former job, but still used for some work, and stalkers. And the new job phone - the phone passed on from generation to generation, or really, just in my case, from former employee to new employee.

Now this phone I guess was probably in the person's possession for a while and because it was all-bills paid, I am assuming it became more or less like a personal phone. I am the type that if the phone is not mine in any way, shape or form, there is little else I will do with it other than what the owners want me to do with it. So no personal calls (well, not too many), no personal texts etc.

Well...imagine my horror when one day, I picked up the phone and there was a message on it. I could not understand who would have sent said message seeing that noone I know has the number. I opened it and it said,

"Baby, I could not sleep last night. I miss you so damn much I cannot wait to see you and suck you."

Okaaaaaaaaaaay. I just assumed that it was a personal text meant for the person who used to have the phone. But because I am farse I decided to dig up on the phone and see what else was on it.

Welllllll....

I realised the text came from one of the dudes in the office - a very engaged dude, and the former phone girl (FPG) is very married. There were a slew of these "I'm at home away from you" type texts on the phone, both from him and then in her sent box. I was a bit alarmed especially since dude seems so quiet (this is the same dude I thought was hot on me, but I thought he was too quiet for my tastes...ha!) His texts were overwrought and filled with angst and longing, and hers tried to console. She got a new job by the way, so she no longer works there, so I guess the illicit office romance hit a speedbump and he is not dealing with it too well. I wondered if anyone else knew about this. I also wondered if she never thought to frickin' delete her text messages before giving up the phone. I also wondered if he did not think that maybe I have the cell phone now that she is gone and I get these messages.

There were also 2 video clips - one of a naked man, who was not the text dude, walking around a bedroom smiling, and the other of her in a pink and white nightie, talking seductively to the man (if "come fuck me" can be considered seductive), while lying on the bed.

I went to the bathroom, got some Lysol and wiped that phone down cause clearly it has been places. Places I am not sure I want to know about, or have my ear and mouth exposed to. In any event, I have asked for a new phone and will probably get it within the next couple weeks. Or they can just pay the bill on the phone I hardly use and make life easier on everyone cause I know where MY phone has been.