Bridal lust

This morning I got to work and while having my Cheerios, started looking at wedding dresses. Why, you ask? Only God knows the answer to that one. Maybe it’s all the wedding planning in the air, but I was feeling the yearning – the bridal lust. Don’t get me wrong now – I will not be scampering to find a groom to put a ring on my finger anytime soon. I guess the whole little girl fantasy of the wedding, with the dress and looking like a princess just gripped me this morning. It does not help either that my baby brother announced he is getting married this weekend. Well, yeah…that one was a winner. I think they have pushed it back (good sense prevailed) but he is still getting married. How is this possible?

So it’s 5 friends, including a GB, and a sibling – and I am left browsing David’s Bridal for a dress I may never get to wear. My mother is planning a well-deserved vacation and her psycho firstborn is planning an imaginary wedding. Break out the crazy meds. But I did like that dress in the photo. I think I am past the virginal age where a plain white wedding dress on me would be frickin’ hilarious. Plus blue is my favourite colour so I adjusted the swatch and tadda...

In other news…well, there is no other news. I am tired as usual, fat as usual, despite this “diet”. Note the “diet” as opposed to diet. I had cake today and it was not even worth the guilt. Some free shit they sent to the office. But I still fucking ate it. Why? Only God knows the answer to that one as well. It was just there. Sat in traffic as usual cause some asshole decided to do a nosedive through an overpass railing using his vehicle. I hope the person is alive though, despite my annoyance at having to sit in mind numbing traffic for an hour over a distance that usually takes me 2 mins to cover.

I dunno…just feeling pretty crappy physically which lends to the emotional crabbiness, so if my ISP would allow me, I will log in, post this crap and go to bed.

just a quick note

FC Barcelona players celebrate after winning the 2009 UEFA Champions League beating Manchester United 2-0 in the final.

FC Barcelona trounced Manchester United today in the final of the UEFA football Champions League in Rome, Italy today. While the male population of my office flocked to various television screens across the building, I sat at my desk working. Surprised? I am sure my regulars would remember how anal I was during the World Cup - how I missed meetings, had BT calling in the scores, stayed back late to catch late games, put lives on hold for the Azzurri's road to victory then, and Spain's triumph at the Euros 2 years later. I just don't have that kinda time to follow club football though. I can barely watch cricket these days - though my cricket team plays a pile of shit each time, so why bother? But congrats to the Spanish club - I understand they outplayed Ferguson's kids. Good job.


But when there is football, I seem to always think of BT. We did have some pretty good times before I unearthed the dark side - the asshole side. Now if I could just find a dude with some of those considerate, generous, caring qualities in Grade A genuine form as opposed to acting, then I think I would be content. Does that exist though? Also a dude who would either cook my lunch or buy me lunch cause coming home after slaving over a hot pc everyday, to face the stove is harder and harder. But if I want to know exactly what I am putting in my mouth, while saving money for shoes, purses and cute tops in this global recession, then this is the only way til I can do better.

The news and the world we know

http://www.guardian.co.tt

I try not to get too caught up in the daily news, mostly because it is all so ghastly and negative. But to isolate oneself from reality is folly. As a single woman, it is imperative that I arm myself with the knowledge of what is happening out there to other people. And the headline this morning was just another sad story. I am all too alarmed by the regularity of crimes like these now. It's funny when we joke about the Lifetime television type movies, but when the shit is real, it's not that hilarious.

It begs the question - who can one trust? You let someone into your home and into your life and they take your heart and just as easily they can take your life. The breakfast roundtable discussion this morning concluded that this is very regular among East Indians - this man killing woman then killing self phenomenon, and the headlines do indeed support this. But is it as simple as saying one won't date an East Indian man? I don't think so cause what is to stop some jealous, enraged, psycho, regardless of class, race, religion etc from breaking into a woman's home and slicing open her throat because as far as he is concerned - if he cannot have her, then noone else can.

I am so sick and tired of hearing about women who tried to rid themselves of these men for various reasons and then having to sacrifice their lives in order to finally accomplish this. So, does one bar onself from finding love and happiness in a relationship, for fear of ending up another victim? I think that would be just as silly as not reading the paper to spare oneself the pain of reality. At the moment one girlfriend is in very similar circumstances and I am very worried for her - we laugh it off during our chats but it is a very real scenario - one we both think about in our alone moments. So what do we do? You sometimes look for the signs that this person may be unwell or obsessive - but are those signs always there?

I find it incredibly hard to read the news cause in any situation laid out in black ink on the newsprint, it could very easily have been me or a member of my family or someone very close to me. This woman just went out to start her day like a normal person - her regular routine of jogging around the city. And then this. I read that article this morning and it made me so sad cause this man could have simply walked away and gone on with his life if he really wanted to. But he did not want to. He wanted to be the hunter and make her the prey until he caught her and killed her - robbing her family of a daughter and a sister and a friend - and robbing single women of optimism that maybe there is still good out there. And then killed himself - committing two acts of cowardice in one day and robbing her family of any form of real justice.

Jealousy kills

During my adventures this weekend, I ran into 2 friends - both male. Both married. Both with wives in tow. Two different experiences.

Encounter 1
The Tamale encounters subject #1 and his wife, while heading to a fab shoe store.
Tamale: Hi "Frank". How you doing?
Frank: I'm great. Just shopping with the wife.
Tamale: Hi "wife".
Wife: Hello. Nice to see you. I like that necklace.
Tamale: Oh thanks.
(small talk ensues for 2 mins)

Encounter 2
The Tamale encounters subject #2 while heading to the lunch table and as he is heading to his, where wife is waiting

Tamale: Aye. Hi "Paul"
Paul: Oh, there's "wife" (a clear signal that this encounter was over)
Tamale: Hi "wife". Okay, enjoy your weekend.

Am I closer to Frank than I am to Paul? Not really. But Paul's wife has decided for him whom he can and cannot associate with and it's quite simple - he cannot speak to women. Mind you, Paul and I are former colleagues as are Frank and I. So when we meet, we talk shop. And shop gossip. And other such non-sexual things. Frank's wife is cool. She recognises that hey...my husband works with women. I better learn to deal with it. Not Paul. I can point out countless examples of where this woman has had this man like an ass cause he is scared to have a female friend.

- He has my number and some of the other office girls' numbers stored as guy names.

- We were heading to lunch one day - Paul, Frank and I and she called and he shushed me so that she would not hear a female voice in the car. No matter that Frank was there - he still shushed me.

- The day of the 8 hour flooding, when everyone else stayed behind in the office, he left and sat in murky flood waters on the highway for fear that she would blow a gasket. I swear, a normal woman would have understood that it was an unusual evening and he would be better off staying behind until it subsided.

The sad part is, he is one of those men who dote on a wife. I would almost cut my arm off to say he ain't got no spare pussy on the side. The woman is ridiculous. HE is also fucking ridiculous. There's love and respect and then there's being an asshole.

So he emailed me this morning

"Thanks for recognising the signal and saving me from sure fire and brimstone".

Being quick on the draw, as soon as he said "there's "the wife"", I avoided the usual hug of greeting and passed him like a full bus, while waving heartily to her from where I stood, getting a half-dead wave back in return. Sure, I'm cute but really...

Like I would really be out homewrecking with my mother in tow. Knowing that he is a homie, mum asked how come I did not introduce him. Hello? For that woman to grab my poor mother by the throat??? I think not.

I hope, even in the most alternate reality, I never become one of these psycho women.

Star Trek

I always loved Star Trek as a child. I thought Captain Kirk was so hot. But this new crew blows ole Bill Shatner and company out of the galaxy. Hot! The movie in itself was awesome. The hotness factor of its stars was the cherry on the top of a great ice cream sundae.

Spock and Kirk were just sizzling, man

Next up...Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I am the only person who thinks a robot is sexy but Optimus Prime just has "it". It was my favourite cartoon growing up and the movie 2 years ago was my favourite of that year - so duh.

The rest of the weekend involved/involves rum and coke, Michael Connelly/Harry Bosch, croissants and eggs in bed, shopping and man-gaping, hanging out with the ladies, craving TCBY frozen yogurt, and sleep. Why does it have to end? I enjoyed it so much.

Power breakfast

Last night when I got home I was totally spent.Having worked late every night last week and then the weekend, without any real rest, my body was just letting me know that it had had enough. I changed into a maxi dress and poured myself a rum and coke. The plan was to have my drink while my feet soaked in the foot spa, while listening to Evolver cause if y'all did not know John Legend is coming to Trinidad and I buy my VIP pass today!!!! (happy dance)

Because one of my quirks is not liking to have cold drinks with ice, but rather frozen, I put my cocktail in a thermal cup, and placed it in the freezer to chill. I then made the biggest mistake of the night - I lay down on bed to stretch my inflamed back. And that was all she wrote. I woke up at 5am - with the lights on, makeup on and my cocktail a brown block of ice. I took said drink out of the freezer and placed it on my dresser for some reason, and stripped and went back to bed.

Woke up at 7.30, still tired but my body cannot do long night sleep like normal people. I got a slice of toast and walked back to my room, and downed the now melted rum and coke at 7.30am. lol. Does this mean I am a lush or that I was just plain thirsty!? Don't try this breakfast at home, friends.

As you may have guessed I have the day off cause I don't normally have that sort of breakfast at the office, nor do I blog from the office. I have been threatening to see a movie for weeks and life just always gets in the way. It is amazing how going to the cinema, buying some chips (I hate popcorn) and relaxing to see a movie requires so much planning and organisation for me. Nothing is simple anymore? Today is the day though - I swear. Today it just has to happen. I have errands which I should have started already but I wanted to pee out a bit of the rum in case the cops catch up with me and plus I just feel tired still. It has been a very hard 3 weeks - and I am totally burnt out. I had hoped to travel today but decided to save that money for a longer weekend.

But in other news, I met a really hot guy - first hot guy in months. I am not sure if he knows that I am checking him out, and I hope he was checking me out, but when he calls me back (we have some business to finalise), I think I may bite some balls and ask him out. I have never asked a man out in my life cause they usually come to me - the miscreants and the not so miscreant. But that sure as hell is not working out for me is it? I am not sure if he is married so I am hesitant.I don't want to come across as some desperada. He is older (of course, I like 'em marinated) and so gorgeous. And he wowed me. I have not been wowed in a very long time. I am not as bold with such things as I am with others. Matters of the heart and of the loins can destabilise strength of character sometimes.

But maybe I should have some more rum today so that when he calls, I would me Mellow Melanie. Wish me luck. And have a good day.

Spinster chronicles - May 2009

I could barely drive myself home cause I was so tired but I am on the internet. I mean, Tamale...seriously!

But a dude sent me an email that may send my week into the sphere of joy so I needed to check it.

No, it was not an offer of sex. I wish. I did make an offer this week though and it was accepted but apparently God has other plans for me cause the penis-toter could not get a flight to come service my needs. Again, a tip for the spinster in you

Tip of the Day - If you are single, not willing to settle for crap, but still require some boinking to keep normalcy intact, please ensure that your fuck buddy is at least local and just a car ride away, as opposed to scouring airline websites to procure a seat so you can get some ass.

It's funny how men can have casual sex but a woman who does it is some kinda ho. I am not a wild, panty waving spinster, wrestling every man I meet, but I do have needs and when it becomes unbearable I heed my inner voice and get on the phone or on the email and arrange some therapy. Unfortunately my man pool is suddenly rather shallow and I now need to advertise and contract new FBs.

In other news, am I only desirable to construction workers, the dudes who operate the truck/machine that sucks up the shit from the sewer and other such hard-working, albeit smelly and crass creatures? I mean, I was looking like a hot piece of heaven yesterday and there was a crew of the shit-suckers on the pavement, having lunch and oh God...the appreciative and lusty cries were raised in unison in the middle of Port of Spain. I mean, seriously! This is not the way to win a girl - by cackling like a pack of hyenas in the jungle and causing every other head to turn to look at the poor unwitting girl who was at the centre of the Neanderthal greeting - the victim!

Am I not desirable to men who simply walk up to you and say hi? Or to guys who smile at you from across the table, hoping you would smile back before they come over to ask you out for a coffee?

Or maybe such creatures just no longer exist! And I am condemned to sporadic imported weekend sex to keep my sanity!

counting and counting and counting

Counting calories, that is.

So I am allegedly on a diet. And you're rolling your eyes and going, "Here she goes again". I am a yo-yo dieter, but the string on my yo-yo is really short. Let's face facts - food is fucking amazing. I love food. I just had a piece of macaroni pie and a brownie. Any guilt? Not much. But I am getting way too fat. Loneliness also plays a major role in this whole food thing. My relationship with food is the longest relationship I have ever had, bar that of the one I have with my parents. When I have a crap day, I treat myself to something nice to comfort me. When I have a good day, I treat myself to something nice to pat myself on the back. When I feel lonely, I turn to ice cream or cake or some junk - to make me feel less alone. When I go out with friends, I need a wing or two with my liquor.

Food...is...great!

But getting fat is not. I look horrendous. I really try to eat better but sometimes life happens. Working late, you eat anything you've got and though I buy fruit and keep it on my desk, fruit is not filling, so I end up buying some crap and having "dinner" in the car while driving at 120kph. But I aim to lose a few pounds and will let you know how it goes.

And we sign off...

So the project I was working on is finished and now I return to real life aka nothing. It's amazing how quickly that feeling can come back. My life is suddenly 98% work, 2% sleep and 0% love, life and entertainment. I had been working lots of long evenings and was too tired, too stressed, too busy, too proccupied to worry about loneliness etc. And boy was I all of those, especially tired. Very very tired. Lots of coffee, 2 hour-sleep nights, fighting to drive home without killing myself. I am so glad it is over.

But as soon as things slowed down, I felt it. I wanted to tell someone how happy I was that it was successful and how relieved I was that it was over and someone to celebrate with and there was noone. So I came home, ordered a KFC sandwich, popped a Heiney and watched X-Men: The Last Stand on tv. And that was that. We resume regular programming.

But I am treating myself to maybe a movie and something decadent today. I so deserve it and if noone else wants me, well fuck 'em. I want me.

Hot Mama

I managed to lock my car keys in the trunk of the car today, and that was just another part of a crap morning. My brother had to bring down my spare key and I stood in the sun and had a fizzy lemon drink, while talking to Adonis on the cellular, and apparently got a tan. Just took off my tank top and there is the outline of the top on my brown skin. It was hot but damn...that hot? Ultimately, locking myself out of my car screwed up the other plans for the day, including the movie and lunch for one, so maybe another time.

But the afternoon turned out nicely. I got a new purse on sale (which will go nicely with a brown ensemble I have, including matching earrings and pendant), 4 novels on sale and 2 scoops of TCBY cookies and cream frozen yogurt. My favourite. That was not on sale but the curing effect of TCBY frozen yogurt on a lonely, tired heart - priceless!

Everythings

Well, life has been pretty damn stressful lately. There have been some serious career issues, involving seriously manipulative and vindicative people and add this to my workload and no social life due to exhaustion and I am a hot mess. I brought work home - something I never do, but God was telling me in His own way that I should enjoy the weekend cause the company laptop refused to log me in so the options are to work on my personal pc or to not work at all.

I'm leaning towards shopping, lunch and a movie tomorrow - leaning heavily. I have noone to do this with but it does not matter. I am so tired. So worn out - mentally and physically. The MIA bomb, whom I emailed for advice earlier in the week, invited me to come spend some time with him but of course as luck would have it, I would be working that weekend. I mean...it's a conspiracy. Do you know how hard it is to get some bomb time??? Time with the ever elusive, ever busy bomb is like gold. I am deeply annoyed but again, it may be a sign.

I don't know what to do with regard to the work situation - I have a decision to make where that is concerned and have no idea what option to choose. Do I just block it out this weekend and hope I have an epiphany? Or sit and work it through? In any event, it is part of my stress levels- a major part. And I need to make a decision by Monday or I think I may just go crazy since there is a lot of overt pressure on me to do so. A lot is riding on this and it sucks that I have to be put in this situation.

I dunno. Who said life was easy?

Anyway, Lou wanted some photos of where I live. I took these that day Obama was here, when noone could get near the capital. I took my book out to this place and sat in the sun all day. It's peaceful, even with the loud Indian music blaring from across the pond from the large contingent of fellow day-offers.







I stopped on Dateline tonight during sleepy channel surfing and Diane Sawyer was interviewing that woman who just had a face transplant and her spirit was awesome so at the end of the day, with all the gifts that I have, I just have to get through it all the only way I know how. With prayer, reaffirmations and chocolate.

Tamale is....

...stressed out!

The price of beauty

I have discovered Elle a Vivre spread/table margarine and it's smooth and yummy.

Well, I think it is safe to say that I am queen of describing the mundane, and I think it is also safe to say that every woman with a credit card and a penchant for makeup was at this Revlon Warehouse sale in Trinidad today. Silly me, I thought to myself, "Oh..recession. Not too many women will be out today." Silly me thought that if I got there at 8.30am, a good half hour before the gates opened, I would be alright.

Imagine my horror when I bounce the corner and put on my indicator to make the turn, to see half of the friggin' female population of Trinidad already lined up in front of the gates, like a pack of rabid wolves, waiting for the short hand to touch 9, and the long hand to touch 12. I had to do some exploring to find a parking spot but managed to mafia park in front of an industrial gate, without actually blocking entrance or exit of vehicles.

So we saunter to the gate and there are white women, black women, Indian women, mixed women, fat women, short women, sexy women, "I rolled out of bed without bathing just to reach the sale on time" women. I was aghast. I thought women were beyond these silly sale things but in a recession where it's a choice between the milk for the baby and the Lash Fantasy mascara, clearly a sale such as this was like manna from the sky.

I was not one of these rabid women who were panting at the gate waiting for the guard to let them loose. I knew I would get in but I was just scoping out those around me to make sure none of these heifers would push me in the stampede.

As the gate opened, the herd converged on the security and started running for the booths. My God! By the time my sauntering ass got to the "Face" booth, the foundations in my skin tone were all gone. The women were scrambling, pulling, pushing. I had to ask one woman if she pushed me out of her uterus 20-something years ago cause she was pushing me hell hard to get some face cream. I was sandwiched like some cheese between two slices of rye, but in this case, there were about 20 slices of rye being clamped down on this poor cute cheese.

By the time I got to where I really wanted to be - the "Eyes" booth, all hell had broken loose. It was a mad grab for the 3D Extreme Mascara as women were tugging and pushing and screaming. It took me about 10 minutes to get my 3 tubes of mascara, and another 15 minutes to get my eyeshadow, liquid eyeliner and shadow/liner duos.

Then I had to join a line as long as the Nile to pay for said items. This was where the action was cause after standing in line for an hour, roasting in the sun, and finally making it under the tent in the shade, the woman in front of me asked if the 4 nashy looking women beside her were with me. I mean sure I was a bit greasy after the heat melted my fresh Halle Berry look, but c'mon...how could you think those scroungy looking creatures were with moi? It was then we realised that these bitches were trying to cut in the line. Well for the next hour, it was a screaming match as these women and the rest of the women in the lines battled for supremacy and I lapped up the entertainment for what it was worth.

But afterall this, come Monday I am going to be hotter than ever with my much fought over makeup! Bite this!

More online dating horror

When I lack entertainment, which is often, I mosey over to see who has winked, poked or whatever they do on these sites to people they want to get to know. Call me Shallow Sally, but this dude was not going to win the prize with these photos! Why me, Jesus? I always secretly hope these men don't read my blog and find themselves exposed but then, even keeping photos like these on a hard drive should be a crime!





Note the placement of the champagne bottle - compensating for something perhaps???

Anyway, my girlfriend, a woman who should have more sense, calls me to tell me she met some Third World man on the internet and he is coming to our neck of the Third World to LIVE with her. This is a woman with kids, and at least 15 years on me, which just goes to show age does not equal sense. She has not met this man in person yet but she is ready to welcome him and his God-knows-what into her home and into her life. She swears she is in love. Now I am all about love, any how you find it - but you gotta be meeting these people first and not just inviting them to live with you. Who knows what this man's got? Swine flu. HIV. Stupidity. These are serious ailments. Suppose he is not who he represented himself to be. He says he is a grad student in business and he can get a job here - but he could be lying. He could just be some loafer looking for a way out of his fucked up country - not that here is Canaan but it's better. He could just be looking for a life of luxury and a sugar mama to beat every night and wash his nasty jockey shorts. I wanted to share her bubbly joy but could not and found myself asking if I was really just very cynical that I could not share in this dream of hers. I know I am, but God...this is not rational behaviour.

In my, non-online, weird, yet dull life, it seems to be all going to hell at this place I work at. These are some totally power-hungry, messed up bitches. Wow. This whole working for others thing is bullshit. I should really start my spinster consultancy and make some money matchmaking or something, or giving all these female dreamers a wake up call - ultimately ending the vicious cycle of silly women existing, making it hard to find a proper man - one who has not gotten spoilt by some daft woman's silliness.