Day 12

Hey. It's me. Yes. Believe it. Sigh.

It has not been a stellar start to 2010. I keep typing 2009 and maybe that has something to do with it - my clinging to the past, a past which was crap. I have been steadily working on putting air into 2010's 2 projects - both beginning with the letter "M" but so far have met a lot of resistance from the gods. I get discouraged and frustrated easily and even though I know it is just the 12th day of the year, I always wants things now now now. It's this "now" syndrome that often paralyses me when things don't go the way I had hoped and throw me into states of frustration and depression. Not on Day 12, Tamale. I know I am not that pathetic. I am not there yet, cause I resolved to make it work and I will. Not there yet. Not on Day 12.

Additionally, a dude I was really getting to know and like is now ignoring me and I am like"what the fuck is up with that?" I have been nothing but supportive these past couple weeks and then he starts playing an almost virtual game of hide and seek, only I am not fucking seeking. He can hide til he farts himself to death for all I care. What is up with these men? Are they men or mice? If you don't want to speak to me anymore for one reason or another, just say so. God. It is super lame. This is the same shit that started off 2009. An asshole just giving me the finger for no reason I could ever come up with. I won't say for no good reason cause hey...maybe they both think I am an asshole but wow...tell me. lol. Let me address my issues. You bet I am going to send this clown an email and tell him I think he is an asshole so at least he is made aware of HIS affliction! lol.

It never ends. Day frickin 12. Goodness.

The news and the world we know

http://www.guardian.co.tt

I try not to get too caught up in the daily news, mostly because it is all so ghastly and negative. But to isolate oneself from reality is folly. As a single woman, it is imperative that I arm myself with the knowledge of what is happening out there to other people. And the headline this morning was just another sad story. I am all too alarmed by the regularity of crimes like these now. It's funny when we joke about the Lifetime television type movies, but when the shit is real, it's not that hilarious.

It begs the question - who can one trust? You let someone into your home and into your life and they take your heart and just as easily they can take your life. The breakfast roundtable discussion this morning concluded that this is very regular among East Indians - this man killing woman then killing self phenomenon, and the headlines do indeed support this. But is it as simple as saying one won't date an East Indian man? I don't think so cause what is to stop some jealous, enraged, psycho, regardless of class, race, religion etc from breaking into a woman's home and slicing open her throat because as far as he is concerned - if he cannot have her, then noone else can.

I am so sick and tired of hearing about women who tried to rid themselves of these men for various reasons and then having to sacrifice their lives in order to finally accomplish this. So, does one bar onself from finding love and happiness in a relationship, for fear of ending up another victim? I think that would be just as silly as not reading the paper to spare oneself the pain of reality. At the moment one girlfriend is in very similar circumstances and I am very worried for her - we laugh it off during our chats but it is a very real scenario - one we both think about in our alone moments. So what do we do? You sometimes look for the signs that this person may be unwell or obsessive - but are those signs always there?

I find it incredibly hard to read the news cause in any situation laid out in black ink on the newsprint, it could very easily have been me or a member of my family or someone very close to me. This woman just went out to start her day like a normal person - her regular routine of jogging around the city. And then this. I read that article this morning and it made me so sad cause this man could have simply walked away and gone on with his life if he really wanted to. But he did not want to. He wanted to be the hunter and make her the prey until he caught her and killed her - robbing her family of a daughter and a sister and a friend - and robbing single women of optimism that maybe there is still good out there. And then killed himself - committing two acts of cowardice in one day and robbing her family of any form of real justice.