Day 12

Hey. It's me. Yes. Believe it. Sigh.

It has not been a stellar start to 2010. I keep typing 2009 and maybe that has something to do with it - my clinging to the past, a past which was crap. I have been steadily working on putting air into 2010's 2 projects - both beginning with the letter "M" but so far have met a lot of resistance from the gods. I get discouraged and frustrated easily and even though I know it is just the 12th day of the year, I always wants things now now now. It's this "now" syndrome that often paralyses me when things don't go the way I had hoped and throw me into states of frustration and depression. Not on Day 12, Tamale. I know I am not that pathetic. I am not there yet, cause I resolved to make it work and I will. Not there yet. Not on Day 12.

Additionally, a dude I was really getting to know and like is now ignoring me and I am like"what the fuck is up with that?" I have been nothing but supportive these past couple weeks and then he starts playing an almost virtual game of hide and seek, only I am not fucking seeking. He can hide til he farts himself to death for all I care. What is up with these men? Are they men or mice? If you don't want to speak to me anymore for one reason or another, just say so. God. It is super lame. This is the same shit that started off 2009. An asshole just giving me the finger for no reason I could ever come up with. I won't say for no good reason cause hey...maybe they both think I am an asshole but wow...tell me. lol. Let me address my issues. You bet I am going to send this clown an email and tell him I think he is an asshole so at least he is made aware of HIS affliction! lol.

It never ends. Day frickin 12. Goodness.

Hung out to dry

When I left the office today, smoke was coming out of my ears, I was so steamed. Yesterday, against my better judgement, I listened to my boss and did something I knew I should not have done, but she insisted. Today, the shit hit the fan and our manager sent an email to my boss referring to me as "that new girl", when only 2 hours earlier she passed my desk and said "Hi Tamale, how you doing?" So clearly she was more than a little upset. Now, there is a whole other story about the manager that would explain her reaction to something that in the grand scheme of things was not a crisis, but that would require time and more privacy. Needless to say, my boss sat there and read out the email to me and goes, "What is she talking about?"

Red flag #1.

Later that day I head into the meeting where manager brings up the issue and my boss sits there like a mouse and says nothing. Steam building. She goes on and on about how I am new so she can let it go (it really was not that serious either but this apparently is an issue of sorts) and asks me how I could let it happen. At this point, based on the deafening silence next to me, I turn my head to look at my boss and the silence grows. No response. No "I told her to do it and I insisted she do it". No explanation. No support. No nothing. Tamale - being hung to dry. Steam boiling. The matter was squashed in the end and all was well with the world but all was not well with Tamale and I walked out of there like a pricked bull. And she knew I was damn vex cause she did not come to my desk again for the day, which is rare, and when I was leaving, I only waved and kept pelting down the corridor like a cat out of a pet shop, until she called out to me to ask me if I was alright.

The place is like primary school - no lie. I mean, if I told you what the issue was you would probably be like "that's it?" To hear the woman go on and on about it. But then I can understand why she was a bit miffed cause the day before she told us she does not like things done that way, so when my boss told me to do it, I told her I did not think that was a good idea. I should have stood my ground but she said, "Don't worry. I will handle it." Handle it, my fat ass! Instead I was manhandled! I am really annoyed by this and if she wants to not end up like my last boss - on an eternal shit list - we need to have a conversation in the morning, cause I am a festerer. I let things build and sour, and I just got there. It's not good to let boss issues fester so early on. We will be having a serious chat in the morning about how I do shit. I don't appreciate being hung out to dry like a wet panty after a hurricane!