Day 12

Hey. It's me. Yes. Believe it. Sigh.

It has not been a stellar start to 2010. I keep typing 2009 and maybe that has something to do with it - my clinging to the past, a past which was crap. I have been steadily working on putting air into 2010's 2 projects - both beginning with the letter "M" but so far have met a lot of resistance from the gods. I get discouraged and frustrated easily and even though I know it is just the 12th day of the year, I always wants things now now now. It's this "now" syndrome that often paralyses me when things don't go the way I had hoped and throw me into states of frustration and depression. Not on Day 12, Tamale. I know I am not that pathetic. I am not there yet, cause I resolved to make it work and I will. Not there yet. Not on Day 12.

Additionally, a dude I was really getting to know and like is now ignoring me and I am like"what the fuck is up with that?" I have been nothing but supportive these past couple weeks and then he starts playing an almost virtual game of hide and seek, only I am not fucking seeking. He can hide til he farts himself to death for all I care. What is up with these men? Are they men or mice? If you don't want to speak to me anymore for one reason or another, just say so. God. It is super lame. This is the same shit that started off 2009. An asshole just giving me the finger for no reason I could ever come up with. I won't say for no good reason cause hey...maybe they both think I am an asshole but wow...tell me. lol. Let me address my issues. You bet I am going to send this clown an email and tell him I think he is an asshole so at least he is made aware of HIS affliction! lol.

It never ends. Day frickin 12. Goodness.

Merry Christmas to everyone

Hey all

I just wanted to come over and wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and an awesome holiday weekend. Hope all is well in your worlds. I am a-okay! I have been puttering around. I think it is known that it is not my favourite holiday but I still appreciate all the good, wholesome things that come with it - like family get togethers and warm, fuzzy feelings from normally sour people. Next week will be harder cause family will not be around really...and noone wants to ring in the new year alone. Still working on that...but have a good one peeps.

quick check-in

Hi everyone. Though I have been scarce here, I have been blogging every day. Go me! I'll probably leave here for stuff I would not want my boss to read cause my other blog is VERY public, but not sure how much writing I will be doing here. It's hard to throw aside Tamale, so I will hold on to this and try my bestest best to give you something. But all I seem to do here is whine and gripe and I don't want to be that girl. It IS my medium to do so, but...

Warning: It's Here!

The Christmas music is on the radio. I walked into the mall last weekend and there were massive gilded Christmas trees. The stores were ablaze with red poinsettias and green balloons. Yes. Christmas spirit is here. UGH.

For the tragic spinster though, as I say every year, cause somehow my spinster status seems sadly terminal, Christmas is no hoot. Scrooge ain't got nothing on the gnarly, manless, childless spinster. I used to really enjoy the holiday - when you had tons of family around and people visited each other and it was not about gifts and pomp, but about family and love. Now, with most of my extended family living in various parts of the world, and my immediate family not always together, it is just another day for me. One year I went to the cinema cause The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King opened on Christmas Day. I packed my Christmas goodies and walked my ass to the cinema where I was one of maybe 10 lonely fuckers in the dark theatre but I loved it. LOVED IT.

My mum loves the whole holiday thing and I try for her sake but it is a suckage type of day for me. New Year's Eve is a week later, as if to twist the rusty knife into the wound of loneliness. However, I manage better with this one cause it reeks of optimism and hope and helpless denial.

I was really hoping for a change of status this year to have someone to share the holiday with and rant about the commercialism to, but again, it's much of the same. I may just crack open something mildly fattening and snuggle on the couch with something soft and stuffed and watch a movie. Last year I ended up watching Love Actually (a personal Tamale fave) and ended up bawling on the couch. lol. God...need to plan the Christmas Eve night better this time.

The Spinster's Dilemma

I have come to the conclusion that there is a reason why I am single and perhaps doomed to be an eternal spinster. I am too tired for a man. My God. I am knackered. I had the longest day and by the time I scraped myself to the ladies' room for a pre-rush hour traffic pee, my co-worker almost gasped at how exhausted I looked.

Go straight home, Tamale, she said.

Like I had somewhere else to go, right?

Last week a friend and I were talking about how the quality of life among some in my generation has diminished in today's society. I cannot tell you how many friends are trapped in the rat race like myself - a life comprising of waking up in the dead of morning to study or get to work, work all day, traffic, get home, tired, angry and hungry. I asked her, how do MARRIED people with kids do this shit? By the time you get home, you probably want to body slam the husband and beat those kids cause you're so bitter. And I would be on the short road to divorce cause I am too tired to shower on most days. Can you imagine trying to satisfy a horny husband after a 16-18 hour day? My goodness.

It's rough. As I sat in traffic again this evening, I called my friend Shar, and at 5.01pm, she was already in her jammies, and in bed cause she was exhausted. And I so wanted to be her. There has to be a better way to live! I want a cute husband and some babies but 1. how does one get these when you're too tired to look, and 2. who is more at risk if this keeps up - me or them?

Musings

Well, my team lost the game. It was a hard loss to take cause we played so well all tournament but I am not a sore loser, nor am I a sour grapes-er. NSW played the game deserving of the championship. Good for them. And my team? Still mightily proud of them. They represented my little country with amazing class and won over the fans.

In Tamale life, not much. Been so busy that I came home and remembered a very important project which saw me scrambling to get it out. I was all alone the past few days, with people out ill etc so it has been very hectic and very busy and my mind seems to not be able to keep up.

I am making Tamale time though. My early morning workouts are as close as I get to a life of my own, without having to worry about work. I don't want to be this fat when I turn...ummm...on my birthday in less than 2 months. It's good. It's going well. I am channelling my frustrations into sleeping and writing, hence the resurrection of the blog. Food is not the answer!

Looking for more writing opportunities too - I want to write about shit I enjoy doing. It really takes the load off. That and television. I love sitting and watching tv when I am not too tired to do so. There is so much shit on tv that boggles the mind, both in a "wow, I did not know that" and "wow...these people are so stupid" kinda way. Television is the source for amateur anthropologists. That and travelling. Or just having coffee. The things you see while waiting for a cup. If you only knew some of the crap I observe in my day to day activities, you would never imagine that my life were really very boring.

Sending good vibes to Hyderabad

Trinidad & Tobago players rush on to the field after they beat Cape Cobras by seven wickets to qualify for the final of the Champions League


This will mean nothing to a lot of people, but tomorrow my national team, Trinidad and Tobago play Aussie club team, New South Wales in the final of the Champions League Twenty 20 cricket tournament. None of these international clubs expected us to last past the first round. But here we are, still unbeaten and in the final. Clearly they have mistaken my national...NATIONAL side for that other team - the guys in the maroon who consistently get their asses handed to them. This team is the best side in the region, better than the regional side I might add. I expected nothing less but quality cricket from this team. I always had complete faith in the boys in red, white and black and wish them the best of luck against the Blues, whom they already gave a good cutarse last week.

Trinidad and Tobago forever!

p.s. Hugs to Lermie.