The price of beauty

I have discovered Elle a Vivre spread/table margarine and it's smooth and yummy.

Well, I think it is safe to say that I am queen of describing the mundane, and I think it is also safe to say that every woman with a credit card and a penchant for makeup was at this Revlon Warehouse sale in Trinidad today. Silly me, I thought to myself, "Oh..recession. Not too many women will be out today." Silly me thought that if I got there at 8.30am, a good half hour before the gates opened, I would be alright.

Imagine my horror when I bounce the corner and put on my indicator to make the turn, to see half of the friggin' female population of Trinidad already lined up in front of the gates, like a pack of rabid wolves, waiting for the short hand to touch 9, and the long hand to touch 12. I had to do some exploring to find a parking spot but managed to mafia park in front of an industrial gate, without actually blocking entrance or exit of vehicles.

So we saunter to the gate and there are white women, black women, Indian women, mixed women, fat women, short women, sexy women, "I rolled out of bed without bathing just to reach the sale on time" women. I was aghast. I thought women were beyond these silly sale things but in a recession where it's a choice between the milk for the baby and the Lash Fantasy mascara, clearly a sale such as this was like manna from the sky.

I was not one of these rabid women who were panting at the gate waiting for the guard to let them loose. I knew I would get in but I was just scoping out those around me to make sure none of these heifers would push me in the stampede.

As the gate opened, the herd converged on the security and started running for the booths. My God! By the time my sauntering ass got to the "Face" booth, the foundations in my skin tone were all gone. The women were scrambling, pulling, pushing. I had to ask one woman if she pushed me out of her uterus 20-something years ago cause she was pushing me hell hard to get some face cream. I was sandwiched like some cheese between two slices of rye, but in this case, there were about 20 slices of rye being clamped down on this poor cute cheese.

By the time I got to where I really wanted to be - the "Eyes" booth, all hell had broken loose. It was a mad grab for the 3D Extreme Mascara as women were tugging and pushing and screaming. It took me about 10 minutes to get my 3 tubes of mascara, and another 15 minutes to get my eyeshadow, liquid eyeliner and shadow/liner duos.

Then I had to join a line as long as the Nile to pay for said items. This was where the action was cause after standing in line for an hour, roasting in the sun, and finally making it under the tent in the shade, the woman in front of me asked if the 4 nashy looking women beside her were with me. I mean sure I was a bit greasy after the heat melted my fresh Halle Berry look, but c'mon...how could you think those scroungy looking creatures were with moi? It was then we realised that these bitches were trying to cut in the line. Well for the next hour, it was a screaming match as these women and the rest of the women in the lines battled for supremacy and I lapped up the entertainment for what it was worth.

But afterall this, come Monday I am going to be hotter than ever with my much fought over makeup! Bite this!