Fucked up

When Baldie told me this morning that he had been seeing someone, I told him I knew that already and he asked me how I knew. I mean, you have been incommunicado for weeks, totally out of touch. That told me everything I needed to know. I asked him if he thought I was an idiot and he said no. I left it at that. Does it feel any better knowing for sure? No. It feels worse. The day was already going down shit street but that was the last thing to veer me totally into the swamp pit. I felt so low all day. I walked aimlessly through the mall - got my eyebrows done, and they look perfect. But I just feel so incredibly alone. It has been the pervading feeling for a while now, but I felt it intensely today and sat on my bed and cried and cried until I decided to take a shower, apply some makeup, put on some clothes and go to the mall to face the world. But even amidst all the people and all the gnarly kids on vacation, I felt all alone.

Well, he wants to keep in touch and I said okay but I immediately deleted his phone numbers, his email addresses, the 400-odd emails we exchanged in the past few months, his IM info, all the photos of us on my pc, save one, cause I look really hot in it. We can just crop his ass out. Fuck him and his new girlfriend.

And she sits alone in her room trying not to cry and trying to understand why noone wants her.