Gratitude - Tamale's Top Ten

So I decided to do my "what I am thankful for" list.

1. My 5 loyal readers. Thanks guys for sticking with me, even though I have gone from 500 entries a year to barely 100 now. I often just have nothing to say. But you keep coming back. I must be better than crack.

2. My ass. I am putting on weight but there is nothing worse than being a fattie and having a flat ass, no waist and love handles. At least I am a HOT fattie with a great round ass, no love handles and a discernable waist. Not to mention nice boobs.

3. My mother's and father's hotness. I am a fat, gorgeous hottie! Ask anyone!

4. My job. Often hate it, but I have enough money to buy cute shoes and plan a much needed end of year vacation. I also get to go to NY for free in a few days.

5. My friends. They may be boring on a Friday night but when I am having a meltdown, they are my rock.

6. Cable. Has saved me from suicide on many a boring weekend. lol

7. Internet. Ditto.

8. My resilience. A lesser spinster may have quit life a long time ago, but this weary spinster keeps on truckin'.

9. My co-workers. For often reminding me that there are those who need Jesus more than I do.

10. My sense of humour. For keeping me sane, and making others happy enough to keep on loving me.

Passive Participant in the game of...Life

The girls and I went out to dinner on Friday, and as I met Bea, I was like "bitch!" How does a woman who just forced a 8lb life out of her vagina after 9 months of looking like a swollen cantaloupe with legs, get so damn skinny so quickly? And there I was, the fat, frazzled friend, after a long day at the office - on and off the road, in and out of meetings, with not even a lunch in my gut, yet looking like I swallowed the kitchen. It's just not right.

I read an article in the dead of morning today, as I was wrapping up....work (on the weekend) and it said "don't be passive about living" and despite my best efforts, I know I am being pretty damn passive. So how do you change this? My waking hours are spent working and then what's left over I use for sleeping cause I am basically too tired to do much of anything else. My friends are pretty busy themselves and this Friday outing was a miracle cause I can never get them to do anything besides clean up baby shit or crunch numbers at the office. I have stopped dating my mother, hardly date myself and am trying desperately to stop dating my kitchen, inclusive of fridge, stove and microwave.

Where on earth does it leave me? I am not quite sure. I am yet to apply and plan for vacation, cause I am either busy or indifferent. I am wary of doing yet another "solo" vacation. I love adventure and exploring and all but I am pretty tired of planning vacations around myself, looking for places a single woman can travel to alone, without fear for her safety. I have looked at singles' cruises and so far, it's a whole heap of old people looking for pre-retirement home romance. It's just not fun. But I need to give myself a vacation. I need a swift kick in the ass...and soon. I had hoped this year would be a great year but it has been a dud and though there have been some negative forces, it really is no fault but my own. I guess it's still not too late to fix it.

One, but not One

It's true what they say about misery loving company. I was not really miserable or losing sleep over it but it's always nice to know that you're not alone.

I think I am an attractive, intelligent, spunky, witty, interesting type of woman. I think I have a lot to offer. Yet, I am alone. And I try not to make it a definitive element but increasingly these days, when all I have is work to latch on to (quite unwillingly I must add), it dawns on me that the life plan just did not work out as I had hoped.

But it's not just me, thankfully. I have beautiful, smart, funny, totally stellar girlfriends who find themselves in the same position and you ask yourself, "what's up with the universe that we are in this position?" I am not sure what it is, but there is a sisterhood in knowing that, okay, I did not pull the short stick. There just happened to be a lot of short sticks. And you just make the best of what you've got.

I am so glad for the weekend though. I live for weekends which is sad cause 1. my weekends are pretty standard - catching up on sleep, and the occasional caloric Happy Hour and 2. this is my life - weekend lust!

But still, better than having nothing to live for. lol.

Don't Christians need condoms too?

Here I am. Are you excited? I am. Kinda. A little. Maybe not then. In any event, I want to start back writing and fan power can help. So, get to work.

So there is a guy at work - now I normally do't blog about work or work people cause hey, you just dunno who is reading - but I think this is anonymous enough. Anyway, work guy. So a few months ago, we had a workshop on HIV/AIDS and the facilitator gave us a bushel of free condoms - both male and female and a wide assortment of ribbed, flavoured etc. I walked through the floor handing out the condoms cause of course I could not use them. Duh. You need to be having actual sex. Anyway, there is a guy I used to talk to and we got along fairly well, so of course I walked over and offered him a condom. Does that sound very odd? Offered him a condom? lol

Anyway, I did not expect the reaction I got. It was almost as though I had offered him a steaming hot bowl of dog shit and he was horrified that I would even think of giving him a condom. I was really taken aback by the ferocity of his reaction and asked someone else if he was super duper religious or something cause I did not offer him my vagina....just a couple condoms. But clearly I had miscalculated his level of normalcy.

I saw him yesterday in the elevator and do you believe he is not speaking to me? After all this time? Months? I said good afternoon and he looked me dead in the eye and stayed silent. Over a condom, ladies and gentlemen. I was just too flabbergasted to comprehend this turn in our relationship but the moral of this story is - when in doubt, use your condoms as water balloons.

Mojo MIA

Alive. Reasonably well. Have not jumped out in front of any cars yet. But I have seem to have lost my mojo. My writing mojo. Has anyone seen it?

I have just been ratherrrrr busy lately and my life is now consumed by work and sleep, so not much to share by way of a blog. I think I may have lost my life mojo too. I know I need to address this soon, as I feel my life passing me by. That's it. This is boring I know but I may need to reinvent myself first before I reinject this space with something a bit more meaningful and fun.

Sorry

I keep having visions of weddings. Dreams of weddings. Other people's weddings. I think I have written about this before, this bridal lust so then I guess this post has become pointless, and it really means I should get psychiatric help for this neurosis! So there goes my post...lol.

I am in a very weird place lately and hope the bus will take me up from Weird and drive me to Zen soon.

Checking in

Dang. Someone from Harrogate, North Yorkshire has really been looking out for an update. I decided to take a few minutes and update, though sadly, even after all this time, I have nothing much to say. Work has been busy and at times frustrating, culminating with a bad mood episode last Friday during which I seriously questioned the worth of all my efforts when one takes into consideration that a pretty face and a hot body is all one may ever really need to get ahead in this life. So sick of it.

On the personal side...ha. Not much to say. I am trying desperately to lose weight for the millionth time cause I am really packing it on. I should be back at the gym by next week and hoping to double up on my efforts. I suddenly feel totally unattractive and I fear this is all contributing to plummeting self esteem, which ultimately contributes to a total giving up on socialising and connecting with new people. My friends have not at all contributed cause I initiate plans (if I don't, then noone else will), we make them, and then they break them. Case in point this weekend, where I ended up at home yet again, cause a simple outing seemed too much for them. I mean...seriously. The socialising bit is on pause...clearly.

This being said, nothing much has changed in the love life there either. I am still Single Sally, with no hope in sight for changing this status before my next birthday. My uncle says I need to start thinking positively about this and not always so negatively and maybe he is right but when I do, I seem to attract total undesirables - married men, worthless, cheating men, unemployed, parisitic men. How is one supposed to stay positive after that? Oh, not to mention the bi-sexual encounter last week where I met someone and she sent me a note the next day that was disturbing to say the least. I mean, if being a lesbian is my destiny then okay...she is not bad, but I still have these deep longings for penis as opposed to the other thing, soooooo.....no. Not at this time, girl.

Also looking forward to vacation. Desperately. The bad news is, it will not include Adonis as previously advertised. The good news is, I am so used to disappointment that this does not faze me in the least. It just means I need to come up with a new, Single Sally Solution. Tired of these solo vacations though - as fun as they can be. Just once I would like to share one with someone great and cuddly.

I truly wish I had some exciting updates for you all, but this is it. Sorry. But I will try to do better. If only the privacy options here were more conducive to people reading. I always feel like Big Brother is reading and it makes me less inclined to really get my feelings out. I seem to be too recognisable.