The End

I went in to work earlier than usual this morning (is that even possible, you ask. yes. it is) so I could clear my desk in peace. I packed up my bundles including photos of my trip to Paris and my pink stuffed unicorn and put them all in the trunk of my car. I went up to the place I called hell for the past 3 years to say goodbye to my tough but loving and awesome trainers who kept my ass from becoming a satellite, and I started tearing up at 6.30 in the morning. Then I did some personal stuff, including stopping off at Hallmark and getting my colleagues (not the team members, save one) cards, sitting in a cafe and writing personal notes to each of them, tearing up while writing it and blaming my sniffles on the spicy pie I had ordered when the girl asked if I was okay. Got back to the office in time to catch my colleagues (not my team leader and team but my other colleagues and one team member) in the act of planning a surprise lunch for me. Lunch was awesome and we had many a laugh. Then I got back to the office and penned a brief email saying goodbye to the people I had gotten closest to over the past 3 years (not my team members, save one). I left this task for last cause I knew when I sent that note, I would get the call here and there and I would want to cry. It was worse than I expected cause I hit "send" and the phone started ringing immediately on all 4 lines, and people started dropping by my desk, especially since I had told noone that I would be leaving and since most people thought I would be the last person they would want to let go and especially cause noone knew that the end was actually today. Based on a couple incidents earlier this week, and a very disappointing revelation made yesterday, the decision was made yesterday to not go back after today so I packed my shit and sent my adios email, hoping for the generic "take care" replies.

It was worse than I thought cause I did cry and my friends cried and grown men called me with regret and sadness in their voices, and one broke down and made me bawl and he had to call me back, and I cried some more. And my colleague, my one true friend on my miserable team, shushed people away cause they were making her cry. And my mascara ran and I felt utterly desolate. Not to leave the company but to leave all these people whom I honestly admit I grew to care for very much. It was too much and I could not take it, so I picked up my purse and left the office. One last time.

I am tearing up typing this little summary of my day. I will miss them terribly. I felt the love today. I felt how many people outside of my miserable team, save one, loved me and will miss me and most importantly, appreciated my efforts and my work. When people you work with, come to your desk and cry or call you on the phone with tears in their voice, you frickin' feel the love and it was too much. After the shoddy treatment from the "team" I was "part of" for the past 3 years, this was all too overwhelming for me. It was just a very sad day.