Some days you feel a little broken, don't you? Some days you ask yourself, "what did I do wrong? will I ever be good enough? am I the only one who thinks I have potential? am I the only one holding myself back? is it just me? am I not supposed to succeed in at least one aspect of my life?"
Yep. Some days - some moments, you just feel a little bit broken and not so happy with the way things have turned out. But the world does not stop does it? No. It doesn't. No need feeling sorry for yourself but sometimes feeling sorry for yourself is what you want and sometimes it is easier. Sometimes it is easier to look at your friends and what they have accomplished and ask yourself what you did wrong or what decisions were the bad ones. The life plan did not turn out exactly as you had hoped - hell, it did not go anything like you had hoped. And sometimes you just feel rather sad about it and you feel like trying anymore is pointless but you know you're gonna keep trying cause you're a sucker and you know noone else is going to do it for you. Get up and get and keep on getting.
You feel like you have made some pretty lame choices - though they did not seem lame at the time, they seemed pretty fucking great but turned out to not bear the fruits you were expecting - the great fruits that would have taken your life in a different direction. Instead you sit maybe worse off than before, after a significant passage of time, and you ask, "what next? how else am I going to screw it up?"
It's not where you wanted to be or the person you expected to be and it's pretty frustrating. Tomorrow may be better but for right now, it's not okay.
I dunno why I am so stressed today. No rum...maybe that's it.
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I'm just going to make you some delicious comfort food and rub your feets. That is what I would want if I felt this way, anyhow. If you don't like people touching your feet I can provide other non-sexual services.
ReplyDeleteWell I hope that tomorrow is a better day for you HT. I don't think we should get too upset over our failures or too proud of our successes; so much is luck.
ReplyDeletedon't dwell too much on it... things can only get better! {hugs}
ReplyDeleteRemember that there are people looking at you wondering what they did wrong that they don't have your life - it's all relative. Kia kaha.
ReplyDeleteHT, you have health, beauty and you are educated. No one could ask for a better hand of cards.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, things will definitely turn your way.