Lost: One Tamale

After an absolutely awful weekend, I left the house today. I've run out of books to read. I had 7 new books when I started this unemployment thing and I just finished the last one. Knowing I was on the last, I went to the bookstore today to re-stock and they did not have anything I really wanted to get. Or maybe I was just being difficult. I was - I was actually looking at the shit they had on the sale table - shit with 50-80% discounts and there was nothing. Darn recession. I cannot even buy a frickin' paperback without thinking about money. I came home and I stood in front of my bookshelf and looked to see which of the many books there could warrant a rainy day re-read under the blankie. I have re-read some of these books so many times I could probably ghost write for the authors. I may have to check out the library and see if they actually cater for quarter-life crisis spinsters or if they still just stock dog-eared Harlequin romances. A library. Wow. How quaint.

I know for sure of one thing I should and could be doing besides reading. I know I have put weight on. I put on a pair of khakis today and the only thing the pants did not do was scream out, "hey, you're hurting me!" I have not gone to a gym or smelled a real sweat in weeks. I probably need some motivation but I really could not be fucking bothered. As long as there are high heels to elongate the legs and the rest of the frame, there is hope. But, to my credit, I went to the supermarket and picked up apples, expensive whole grain shit I probably cannot afford in my state of joblessness - and to top it all off, I picked up chocolate wafers, Kiss cupcakes and chips. Yeah, Tamale - that will work. Cupcakes. Oh and lemon lime fizz for the dregs of the rum. Leaving the wine for something special.

My drug of choice when in this funk is usually food. Is there a celebrity rehab for fat, depressed bitches who cannot put down a fork? Maybe not. The weather does not help either. I usually walk when I cannot find a gym, but I did not kill the Pope and will not be walking off any calories in early morning storms as some sort of sick penance. The elliptical tends to hurt my knees if used too regularly and I can come up with a million other excuses as to why I am not exercising, why I am getting fatter and fatter as the days go by and why I am just downright morose this evening. Exercise - tomorrow. Promise.

Going to take a hot shower and let the water do its magic on me. Hot water and Bath and Body Works shower gel. And clean jammies. Popped John in the CD player. He usually is great at working me over. On the good news front - I am singing again. Not just accompanying John on CD but practising my breathing and pitch etc on my own. I have not sang in a while. Therapy, lemme tell ya. I also have not watched any cricket yet cause my team basically sucks. May do that tomorrow, since I have no books. Scope out the English cricketers and see if any of them are hot.