More Online Dating Horror

Photo by Walt Jabsco

After a hard day at work...
(insert digress here)

Work is okay. I have my "It could be good" days and my "I wonder how long I will last here" days. Today was one of the latter, without a doubt. But with about an hour left in the day, it became a "it could be okay" kinda day. With the exception of the kinda farse and bold faced girl who just sat her ass in my car without being offered a lift, thus pissing me off to no end, it was not a bad afternoon. I mean, I had my drive home all planned - some loud, sometimes off-key singing in the car, some chips, some phone calls. And there she was - storming my solitude. Without me offering. What kinda mothers are out there - don't they teach these kids anything about manners?

(end digression)

...you maybe want to come home to a glass of wine and maybe a foot rub after a nice hot shower, cause let's face it, 4am showers have a shelf life. I don't care how cold the a/c is in the office - you need to wash the day off your skin when you get home, especially after one walks into the ladies' room and there is the pronounced smell of a fresh load of excrement, with the suspicious smell of baby wipes mixed in. That kinda smell must have some staying power on the third party epidermis! So, I get home and there is only the hot shower, which is fine. I am destined to end this drought one way or another. I am destined to be coupled off sometime soon. This smacks of lonely desperation I am sure, but hey...I am not getting any sex to take the edge off so bite me.

(insert digression here)

So the cute, quiet chap at work tried to make a move today, but I was busy and had to voosh by him but he is making an effort and showing potential so maybe there is hope for him yet. Also laid my eyes on my colleague's form out of office wear today and all I have to say is "yeah buddy!"

(end digression)

So anyway, a few weeks ago for Valentine's, John Legend was on "Ellen" and encouraged people to use online dating, and since John said so, I have no shame in it. Cause noone else wants to date me. Gotta find alternatives.

So I come home and clack-a-tack-tack on the ole pc and there he was - the highlight of my evening.

Face smudged to protect the innocent
To be honest, Lermontov immediately came to mind though.
Lermie, you know I love you. lol

He sent me a note and wants to know me but I just saw the photo and thought, "My God!" and not in a good way either. And all his photos are of him and his tiny pecs, in a state of near nakedness, taking photos of himself in the mirror. And the scary thing is - somewhere out there, someone thinks he is sexy. I dunno - noone can convince me, not even with commercials and real-life tales of wedded bliss and 2.5 happy, smurfy kids, and a dog, that meeting a man online is not an adventure in insanity.

Major hindrance

I sent Adonis a text today, telling him I was upset that he did not make the trip to see me. He called me 20 minutes later to tell me that he did not know my cousin was coming until the day before. I suspected as much but did not want to believe it. I smell some pussyblocking up in here! I am all for the older brother type performance and being protective of baby cousin and all, but not when it interferes with me getting some.

Time to invest

Though I don't think I am quite ready to go down the road of a vibrator yet.

I'm home this weekend, with a cold. Popped some vitamins and then made a huge pot of chicken soup and had a bowl of it in front of the tv, followed by a Kiss Brownie. I was watching Wicker Park and wondered if somewhere out there, there is some wicked, selfish woman keeping my man away from me like in the movie. lol.

I'm not up for much chatting and blabbing, but owed you an entry title updated as promised in the last entry, so there you go.

Dating a dildo

I get home from work and log in to my trusty internet service since I have not checked email, Facebook, the journal since yesterday (yes...an entire day!). In my dating site inbox is the following note - I have not changed a thing, except deleted his contact info.

WHERE'VE YOU BEEN HIDING ALL MY LIFE MOST PRETTY LADY?Hello there MOST LOVELY lady, how are you? My name is (deleted) and I'm REALLY interested in knowing you A LOT BETTER, what do you say? My home # is (deleted, but if any of you are hard up for some area code 252 sex, tell me) ok? OH YEA, I DO NOT ANSWER BLOCKED, PRIVATE OR RESTRICTED CALLS, PERIOD!!!!!!!!!! GET IT, GOT IT, GOOD!!! My Yahoo email and IM address is (deleted...and in case you don't like making phone calls I can give you the email address), alright? AIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT? I'd LOVE to hear from you SOON and OFTEN, ok? Take care, YOU JUST POSSIBLY MAY BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LADY IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE[NO LIE], YOUR SMILE AND BEAUTY LIGHT UP MY WORLD and God bless!!!!!!!! Respectfully, (deleted...let's leave him with some pride!)

P.S. COME ON, MAKE MY MILLENIUM, I DARE YA!!!!!!!!!!!

This should be an email from some young, gold toothed, bandana wearing punk, right? Wrong. The dude looks like Santa. Santa who goes "aiiiiiiiight". My God! What in the world is going on out there? And if he is so hard up for dates, he should be happy for any kinda call - blocked or not. I swear, the man looks like Moses. I suddenly feel dirty and used. And he ends with "God Bless". That is hilarious.

In real life though, I am examining the nest eggs aka the men at work. So far, one dude has some potential but I think I may corrupt him cause he seems really too sweet and wholesome. We will see. I am also realising the women are very nosy and pushy when it comes to knowing my personal business. I don't quite understand this concept but they will soon find out that I am not THAT girl.

And tomorrow is D-Day. Remember I had told you my cousin was visiting and I was hoping he would bring Adonis along? Well, he has not mentioned anything about anyone coming with him but we are going to watch England vs West Indies (cricket) next week and he asked me to buy an extra ticket. He claims it is for a girlfriend. I am trying not to get my horny hopes too high but hey...it could be a surprise, right? Sigh. My pathetic life. Making something out of nothing, but that fucker promised me he would visit! Well, anyway, my cousin arrives tonight from London so by tomorrow you will know whether my man is here or not. If my entry title says "Tamale McNasty" - be prepared for some swooning and ooohing. If it reads "Time to Invest" - listen as the cashier rings up the total on my brand new dildo.

The Spinster comments on The Bachelor

Jason Mesnick, The Bachelor

The first day at work was very interesting, in a very odd way and that is all I can say about it.

I am addicted to the ridiculousness of American reality television and last night I stayed up to watch The Bachelor finale. A few things about this dotish show-

- How do you fall in love, not only after 6 weeks, but after spending maybe a total of 2 days out of the 6 weeks with the man, since he is dating 25 other women as well?

- Don't these women feel stupid saying "I love you" and he says nothing back? And it's like emotional blackmail - say those 3 words to him or get your ass sent home. How pathetic are these women? Are those 15minutes of fame so important - more important that self-respect?

- When they say "I love you", he just smiles his sweet smile of victory, and his answer is to push his tongue down their throats - and they fall for that!

- Don't these women feel like prostitutes, going out with a man and sleeping with him one night, when they know he is going to ask the other girl to do the same thing the night after?

- Are't they afraid of HIV, herpes, etc?

- Why is this particular Bachelor being promoted as some sort of idol cause he is a single dad? Lots of single dads out there who aren't pimping their 3yr olds on national tv! I am surprised Social Services has not knocked on his door yet, or the ex-wife has not asked for full custody. Seeing Daddy groping 25 women on tv must be traumatic and cruel for a child that age!

- Why are these women shocked that this man dumps them at the end of each episode? It's just an convenient way for him to get some ass - and on national tv! All the boys in the bars are going "yeaaaaaaah buddy!"

- Why is everyone knocking this poor dude Jason Mesnick on MySpace, Facebook etc, for last night dumping one airhead for another? They signed up for this - for public humilation. I don't see the problem. If these chicks did not want to be used for ratings, they should have gone to a happy hour in a bar near them and suck on some poor average bastard's tongue instead of being beaten about like a fuzzy pinata on ABC!

Are these women so desperate for a little bit of penis? I need to run a seminar for these dimwit chicks - How to Survive Spinsterdom in the 21st century. It ain't by going on The Bachelor! Hell no, you won't be seeing this spinster on tv!

Hot Tamale - the revised version

Kimmy's comment on my last post was about whether I would give some insight on my co-workers in my blog. The short answer to this would probably be no. The island I live on is small and people have found my journal already, but were never quite sure. I have been detailing my issues lately so it would not be hard for people who know me in real life, to figure out that this is my space. So I think, unless I can do so with only a core group of readers, I will not be talking about people other than myself and random assholes I encounter daily.

The one thing I do not like about this blogging site is the inability to easily restrict who reads certain posts. This whole ordeal of getting people to send me an email so I can add them to my privacy list is a bit tedious so I have not bothered with it. But there are often things I want to talk about that I don't feel having all out in the open like that. Thus, so far I have kept the entries light, but last week something happened that required me to seek legal advice and though I think it has been settled, it raises the issue of integrity.

Someone did something last week, in a real life scenario, which defamed my character and my reputation and in a community as small as the one I live in, it was serious enough for me to address it with professional legal advice. The person is shocked that it got back to me but again - the country is too damn small for one to be so mischievous and not suffer some fall out as a result. For reasons already stated, I cannot discuss it here, but it raised the issue of integrity and what some people, especially people who talk about Jesus all day, will do to spite another person. I blog out of my daily experiences and never to intentionally hurt anyone. I use no real names, try not to blog too much about my friends, post no photos of people other than myself (well, in my last blog I posted photos...no photos here, sorry). I have never gone out of my way to intentionally hurt anyone - even after BT, I wanted to do all sorts of things to him - I had the means and contacts to have him arrested, deported, assaulted, slandered, to interfere with his professional and financial relationships and never did I undermine him in any way cause I said God will deal with him. For someone to consciously go out of his/her way to undermine me was annoying and disturbing.

In any event, the long and short is, the journal remains open as it is - but it will not ever be the same as the old Hot Tamale journal. I hope you all don't mind too much.

Breakfast babbling

It has been a while since I made myself breakfast. I love croissants and bought a dozen of these mini-croissants in the supermarket. Add some eggs, cheddar, tomatoes and a mochaccino and you have a great start to a Sunday morning.

I tend to eat breakfast on the run cause I am always busy doing random shit. Yesterday morning I had to take the car in for servicing, so I had to be up early and took an apple on the run. Lucky car. I could use some servicing. So I always know this is going to be an ordeal cause all the macho men bring their machines in earlier than I do and when I got there at 7am, thinking I was hot, early shit, there were already 6 man machines in line before me.

Anyway, using my seductive smile and charm, I managed to sneak my lady in and as I stood in the garage overseeing the action, I spotted a red machine sneaking up to the curb. As I saw it, and saw the wrinkled old white woman behind the wheel, I realised this was BT's mum. Do I need to remind new fans who BT is? The nympho, lying ex. I knew old granny could not be puttering around in a strange country with all these big, bad black people by herself and knew that SkinnyFabulous would be nearby and sure enough, there he was across the street. To this day, I see him and get repulsed and ask myself, "Girl, what were you thinking?" I don't think he saw me which was a shame cause even at 7 in the morning I am hot stuff!

After that, I headed to the mall and I always say shopping is the surest way to get back on a diet. My God! I am almost scared to think that none of my work clothes are going to fit me this week when I head back out into the rat race. Today is the last day - I promise. I won't lie though - I have been EATING! So there is no whining or crying. I know what I have been up to and aim to address it.

My friend, Rose - dunno if I mentioned that she finally...FINALLY left the cuntastic Larry late last year, left the island, and can you believe she already has a new guy in her life? She sent me a photo and he is hot shit. I mean, is it just me left at the gate leading to sex, back rubs, Sunday morning breakfasts and happiness? My cousin told me based on her visit thus far, she understands though why I am single and urges me to either order a man from overseas or move. But I still doubt that Mr Tamale even exists. Not even this online dating thing works for me cause I am too cynical and too cheap to pay subscriptions (lol), and then this leaves me at the mercy of the men out there - and so far, instead of the hot dudes you see in the commercials, I have been getting Billy Bobs, with thick facial hair, lots and lots of torn calendars in their past (aka old fuckers), standing in front of barns or pickups. Or meatballs named Gino, with the hamburger meat all out there, and I am lucky if they have a high school education. lol. Or a dude whose handle, I kid you not, was pusslicker.

All this over breakfast.