Breakfast babbling

It has been a while since I made myself breakfast. I love croissants and bought a dozen of these mini-croissants in the supermarket. Add some eggs, cheddar, tomatoes and a mochaccino and you have a great start to a Sunday morning.

I tend to eat breakfast on the run cause I am always busy doing random shit. Yesterday morning I had to take the car in for servicing, so I had to be up early and took an apple on the run. Lucky car. I could use some servicing. So I always know this is going to be an ordeal cause all the macho men bring their machines in earlier than I do and when I got there at 7am, thinking I was hot, early shit, there were already 6 man machines in line before me.

Anyway, using my seductive smile and charm, I managed to sneak my lady in and as I stood in the garage overseeing the action, I spotted a red machine sneaking up to the curb. As I saw it, and saw the wrinkled old white woman behind the wheel, I realised this was BT's mum. Do I need to remind new fans who BT is? The nympho, lying ex. I knew old granny could not be puttering around in a strange country with all these big, bad black people by herself and knew that SkinnyFabulous would be nearby and sure enough, there he was across the street. To this day, I see him and get repulsed and ask myself, "Girl, what were you thinking?" I don't think he saw me which was a shame cause even at 7 in the morning I am hot stuff!

After that, I headed to the mall and I always say shopping is the surest way to get back on a diet. My God! I am almost scared to think that none of my work clothes are going to fit me this week when I head back out into the rat race. Today is the last day - I promise. I won't lie though - I have been EATING! So there is no whining or crying. I know what I have been up to and aim to address it.

My friend, Rose - dunno if I mentioned that she finally...FINALLY left the cuntastic Larry late last year, left the island, and can you believe she already has a new guy in her life? She sent me a photo and he is hot shit. I mean, is it just me left at the gate leading to sex, back rubs, Sunday morning breakfasts and happiness? My cousin told me based on her visit thus far, she understands though why I am single and urges me to either order a man from overseas or move. But I still doubt that Mr Tamale even exists. Not even this online dating thing works for me cause I am too cynical and too cheap to pay subscriptions (lol), and then this leaves me at the mercy of the men out there - and so far, instead of the hot dudes you see in the commercials, I have been getting Billy Bobs, with thick facial hair, lots and lots of torn calendars in their past (aka old fuckers), standing in front of barns or pickups. Or meatballs named Gino, with the hamburger meat all out there, and I am lucky if they have a high school education. lol. Or a dude whose handle, I kid you not, was pusslicker.

All this over breakfast.