I get home from work and log in to my trusty internet service since I have not checked email, Facebook, the journal since yesterday (yes...an entire day!). In my dating site inbox is the following note - I have not changed a thing, except deleted his contact info.
WHERE'VE YOU BEEN HIDING ALL MY LIFE MOST PRETTY LADY?Hello there MOST LOVELY lady, how are you? My name is (deleted) and I'm REALLY interested in knowing you A LOT BETTER, what do you say? My home # is (deleted, but if any of you are hard up for some area code 252 sex, tell me) ok? OH YEA, I DO NOT ANSWER BLOCKED, PRIVATE OR RESTRICTED CALLS, PERIOD!!!!!!!!!! GET IT, GOT IT, GOOD!!! My Yahoo email and IM address is (deleted...and in case you don't like making phone calls I can give you the email address), alright? AIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT? I'd LOVE to hear from you SOON and OFTEN, ok? Take care, YOU JUST POSSIBLY MAY BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LADY IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE[NO LIE], YOUR SMILE AND BEAUTY LIGHT UP MY WORLD and God bless!!!!!!!! Respectfully, (deleted...let's leave him with some pride!)
P.S. COME ON, MAKE MY MILLENIUM, I DARE YA!!!!!!!!!!!
This should be an email from some young, gold toothed, bandana wearing punk, right? Wrong. The dude looks like Santa. Santa who goes "aiiiiiiiight". My God! What in the world is going on out there? And if he is so hard up for dates, he should be happy for any kinda call - blocked or not. I swear, the man looks like Moses. I suddenly feel dirty and used. And he ends with "God Bless". That is hilarious.
In real life though, I am examining the nest eggs aka the men at work. So far, one dude has some potential but I think I may corrupt him cause he seems really too sweet and wholesome. We will see. I am also realising the women are very nosy and pushy when it comes to knowing my personal business. I don't quite understand this concept but they will soon find out that I am not THAT girl.
And tomorrow is D-Day. Remember I had told you my cousin was visiting and I was hoping he would bring Adonis along? Well, he has not mentioned anything about anyone coming with him but we are going to watch England vs West Indies (cricket) next week and he asked me to buy an extra ticket. He claims it is for a girlfriend. I am trying not to get my horny hopes too high but hey...it could be a surprise, right? Sigh. My pathetic life. Making something out of nothing, but that fucker promised me he would visit! Well, anyway, my cousin arrives tonight from London so by tomorrow you will know whether my man is here or not. If my entry title says "Tamale McNasty" - be prepared for some swooning and ooohing. If it reads "Time to Invest" - listen as the cashier rings up the total on my brand new dildo.
I guess it's not so bad that I am shy and respectful to women after all.
ReplyDeleteFor one, I know my limitations. I've seen enough Clint Eastwood movies to know how important it is for a man to know his limitations.
I also know my place on the totem pole of man-hotness. Right there at the bottom, just above Quasimodo.
I guess there's no shame in trying to hit on, THE GREAT AND GLORIOUS TAMALE, but for God's sake, show a little respect.
Note to, Mr. Dildo: Fella, you've just got to realize and cope with the fact that some of the finer things in life are way out of your league, and The Tamale is one of them.
You can join me for a drink at the loser's lounge.
I hope so much Mr. Adonis is the "extra person"!!
ReplyDeletePraying for that Tamale McNasty post. Whooooot!
ReplyDelete^ Me too. You sound a little uptight these days!! It'll do you the world of good!! Hope you guys thrash the Poms
ReplyDelete